At the age of 17, I ran to the Navy as a means of escaping my home life. I was ready to put the past behind me and move on. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, and excited about life in the Navy I took an oath to protect and serve our great country. I had imagined a wonderful life of travel and adventure. What I did not imagine is how I would leave the Navy broken and feeling less than whole. I was not prepared for the trauma that would set the stage for repeated trauma

The guilt and shame of being me had finally beaten me down. Reliving the horrors of the past over and over became too much to bear. Like a drained battery, I had no life energy. I was ready to let go. I wanted to give up. The pain of spiritual injury and moral distress had become so severe that it led to the use of mood and mind-altering substances, and risky behavior to cover the suffering. I was not equipped with the tools necessary to navigate my thoughts, and feelings. Suicide became an appealing option to escape the spiritual suffering altogether.

I wandered in the relentless, wilderness of life, repeating self-defeating behaviors that eventually became ugly, stinky habits. I developed a pattern of living that led to self-loathing and a minimal desire for living. My social skills were reduced, and my vocabulary was depleted. One day, I looked into the mirror and was horrified at the monster I had become!

However, I was desperate for a new way of feeling. I wanted to die. I needed a new pattern of living. Something inside kept pulling me, knew I was destined for more. I wanted to restore my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual capacities. I wanted to like myself. I wanted positive energy to flow from me. I wanted out of the nightmare that had become my choices, my life. I wanted to feel normal.

Through the county where I was living, and some gracious people, I was presented with an opportunity to enter a program that would help me get my life back on track and make better decisions. It was through this program that I was introduced to the concept of living according to spiritual concepts. It didn’t make any sense to me but there was a step system where each step of the program helped me to heal a part of my life that had been previously fractured. This program and process restored my faith in God, myself, and others. It restored my spirit and gave me a means of reconnecting with the spiritual part of who I am.

Being homeless, I relied only on God. God gave me the opportunity to see Him as real and not a fairy tale character from the Book.

My understanding of who God is had evolved from the childhood understanding. Now, I know the mighty power of God is real. So, when I was asked, as part of the program, to choose a God Source, I already knew who to choose. He chose to have a personal relationship with me; and I chose to have one with Him. After saving my life from an overdose and protecting me while living in the streets, I knew He had my back and that I could trust Him to lead me on this journey towards a better future.

I enrolled in college, hoping, and praying I had enough brain cells to earn a degree and change my life. I went on to earn an associate degree in Health Information Technology. I couldn’t stop there; I went back to school for undergraduate degree in Business Administration. Momma said, “keep going, Baby”, so I went back for the graduate degree, a master’s degree in Hospital Administration. I wanted to know more, not only how to “live”, but to also “heal” my fractured personality and broken soul to make better choices and help others find their freedom. I have studied Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Ester Hicks, Louise Hay as well as Jose Silva and Don Miguel Ruiz. Steven Covey and John Maxwell and Dr. Peter Levine are a few my favorite teachers. It is because of my foundational faith in Jesus, not religion, that has made the subsequent evolution possible. We are united by spirituality.

Over the years my relationship with God grew deeper and stronger, more and more intimate as I relied on Him for comfort, guidance, protection and understanding. I would pray and meditate as I learned to practice. In the program they said prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening for His answer. For me, prayer and meditation are a major practice for communicating with God and maintaining a relationship with Him. Through this spiritual practice, I hear His voice, sometimes in comfort, sometimes as direction and always reassuringly.

I am clairaudient, hearing what others don’t hear. I am clairvoyant, He shows me visions like when I moved to Tucson, Arizona. He showed me a vision of the mountains one morning while driving on my way to work. My intuition is hypersensitive, and I am an empath, meaning I feel energetic vibrations. I have a supernatural gift of faith and the supernatural gift of knowledge and wisdom. For years I was afraid to admit this to anyone except Grandma. I have learned to embrace my spiritual gifts, energy, and talents. I use them to maintain balance in my own life and show others how to find meaning, navigate the difficult thoughts, feelings, and conquer other life challenges.

“For me, prayer and meditation are a major practice for communicating with God and maintaining a relationship with Him. Through this spiritual practice, I hear His voice, sometimes in comfort, sometimes as direction and always reassuringly.”